I almost put it down, and you have to bring it all up again. why?

Just watched Bodyguard and Assassin! VERY NICE! :D and we talked about our 5 year goal plan! I am really panicky and stress! *sulks* People around me makes me more matured and very worried about my future now. hmm.

Anyway, Bike Rally & Sundown in year 2010. cooool yo!

I am leaving for Hokkaido in barely a few hours time! extremely excited! YAY! :D
thanks everyone who had texted me to enjoy and have a safe trip! I am happy indeed! gonna meet wen at the airport later! hehes.


I havent been to a proper holiday for so long. last year I refused to go for any holiday cos I don't wanna lose any time that I could spend with you. Even the 3 day bkk trip I prayed so hard that I don't have to go. And when I went Aussie, I really didn't wanna go, and I wanna faster come back just to see you and hug you. But this time round, touring seemed so different. Cos I know I don't have you to look forward to when I come back, I don't have to miss and worry about you.

sad to say, I miss you dearly. but I tried to forget EVERYTHING about you. I still care and be by your side when u needed me. today is tangyuan festival. and I remember last year was spent at your place having dinner with your family. I miss the times we used to spend tgt, but its now all memories for me to keep. I have to confess that my life hadn't been really good after you left. but i don't wanna admit it. Cos I thought I was strong enough, but ended up i suffered in silence alone and I dare not let anyone know about it.

I am confused about our status. What is it that you can't let me go and have to make me think about you? I really hate it. I don't unstd why u wanna send this sms to me. trying to let me know that you still care for me? or plainly cos we're friends? If we're friends, then I don't think you have to send it. cos I might just misunderstand your intentions. it brings back all the times we shared and its really tearing my heart apart. you know how i feel and what i wanted to tell you, but you kept avoiding till i'm so lost what to do.




I don't know if you are reading this, but if you wanna make my life better, please completely make your presence absent from my life can? I cannot be your friend. Although I know my life will be super miserable if I don't know even get to receive your call or sms anymore, but I have to walk through it, you get what I mean? Don't be so selfish and hold me back when you know I am willing to give up almost everything just for you, and stop me from moving on with my life. I know it takes a long time for me to heal. but I wanna do it. If not I cannot carry on with life at all. I am tired, and fear of you. I no longer smile because you made my day. My fear because you cannot give me the assurance. I don't know when is the next moment you are gonna leave me again. I'm definitely sure that we were both very happily together before. I remembered once when I initiated a breakup, i asked you will u ensure that I will be happy with you? you told me you don't know and was afraid to give me empty promises. After that, I am really insecured till I have no idea what kind of gf can I be for you anymore...







hmm enuff said. Its always emo roller coaster ride after anything about you. sighs. Anyway my results are out. I got an average of Bs, and will work harder next semester as promised! this sem is totally crap and I don't know what kind of life am I leading even. the ups&downs this semester really pushed me very hard, thanks to my friends who constantly kept me updated.

Advance Merry Christmas everyone! have a wonderful celebration okay! I'll be back in time for countdown (:

hello X, you make me smile unknowingly when I talk or think about you. oh no! (: