I used to have a beautiful glass. It was the gorgeous one that I ever had before for a long long long time.
One day, someone accidentally broke it. I thought it was fine if i glued all the bits and pieces back nicely. But I didn't realise it was no longer the one that belonged to me before. Someone thought since there were cracks, and it's ok making a few more to it. Gradually it was beyond repair.
Despite a broken glass, its still my favourite glass afterall. I'm trying so hard to keep it.
for the every text received and sent is like a million needles stabbing into my heart. i wonder why should it be this way. so much wanting to make things right, but i guess it's beyond repair if i were to do the job alone.
At the end of the day, I wished you were beside me to overcome my toughest times. my life's in a mess. i don't know how.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Monday, October 25, 2010
♥ THANKS EVERYONE FOR THE WISHES! ♥
My FB is flooded badly! Thanks for all the thoughtful wishes everyone! :D plus SMSes & presents too! ♥♥♥
I'm totally overwhelmed! Happy 21st bday to Princess! :D
I'm totally overwhelmed! Happy 21st bday to Princess! :D
*
期待着的却没有来；
Friday, October 22, 2010
my new toy
Olympus E-PL1
Ah ma is so cute today, she gave me an angbao for my lunar bday just now. and wished me "score number one!" so i told her, "ah ma i very smart already, cos I'm a teacher now." (all in hokkien) LOL! sometimes she is just so adorable can.
I just read the yahoo news saying that since SGD is rising, so the top 3 best places to go are AMERICA, VIETNAM AND HK! so hurry go book your tickets! mom itchy backside last night and told me that she should had listened to me and booked our dec trip to New York instead. boohoo lah.
i'm so going to simlim tmr after NLB proj research to look for the casing for my cam! plus my hd casing needs a change too :( broke broke broke :( but before that, i'll be going to waterloo's guanyinma to pray for good health for my family first. this year is terrible :/ its almost the end of year 2010, hopefully everything will be smooth sailing. hais.
DUE 103 is a chore can. every week has a task to do! waste my timeeeee! I need to buy more children's books! I just spent about 60plus at the book fair that day can, aiyo so irresistable. if I have time, I'll elaborate each book ok! tata world, I seemed like growing fat from eating birthday cakes! UNCOUNTABLEEEEE!
Monday, October 18, 2010
Suddenly I just cried.
I don't know if it was my migraine or what that caused me to be so tempremental. argh. I had migraine for the past few days already can :(
You know that path we walked today is super nostalgic to me. I almost could felt my heart stopped beating. It just reminded me of the days where we would walk from your place to town and back home again.
*
After proj meeting today, I went down to visit grandma again. It was so awkward. My whole family was there. (literally 4 + 1 sis-in-law) My dad walked out, and left 4 of us there to accompany ah ma. she was so weak, and constantly feeling sleepy. she couldn't eat now, cos her bleeding will start again once she consumes food. she wanted to eat badly, and whined like a child insisting on having barley with ice cubes, cos she was having fever and felt so warm inside her body and she thought having iced drinks would make her feel better. I was standing at the other side of her bed massaging her arms constantly cos she said her arms were so pain and sore. I had nothing to say to her, yet I hope I could help as much as possible. btw I was very pissed with a comment that mom made. (not to mention here)
I saw another side of my aunties and uncles at ah ma's hospitalisation. It was really heart warming. Everytime I was at the ward, I didnt wanna leave. I just wanna have the feeling forever. sadly I had to go off everytime becos of my assignment stuffs. looking at how all my aunties worries for ah ma always wanna make me cry. I just hope everyone would stay positive and strong! Even if ah ma was to discharge, she would probably just be home and wait for that day to come. there's like no chance for full recovery anymore. :(((
*
Days are getting worse and worse these days. I remembered Master Khor said that a guy will hate me for the rest of his life. and indeed I had met one. for now I can't really confirm about it, but I guess so? blame myself for being such a slut/bitch. And you who is such a sore loser as well. I'm glad that you smsed me to get out of your life and told me this was such a crap. Seriously the last thing you should do is lose your temper on a girl. thou I know this is the 3rd time, but still you should not have said that. but I have to admit that its my fault anyway. And pls stop smsing me and ask me all kinds of qn when u had deleted me away from your fb and all. this is so contradicting. I will just suck thumb and accept all kinds of comments like I'm leeching you and leading you on blah blah blah.....
Because I know who is in my heart, and no one could replace my boy.
*
YJR gave me a surprise at MBS that night. thanks babes! ya'll so awesome (:
btw, MBS is totally overrated. My level 31 room facing the marina bay was really fantastic, but the pool, park, staffs, crowded lobby and casino was not really what I had expected.
i was in my flip flop, longchamp and beach dress tgt with vivi. (we both very chalet-ish)the staff just directed us to the normal hotel room queue where it was super slow and tons of pple queuing (imagine First World hotel lobby in Genting) so we walked over to the other side, and I heard there was this lady in polo RL tshirt and a gucci tote checking us up and down. So what is it now? we can't afford? come on please. and when it was our turn the front desk told us we could go to the EXCLUSIVE queue for the casino members.(my aunt is a member) damn tsk. Next time go MBS remember wear a beautiful gown ok?!??! don't dress too sloppy hor! *roll eyes a million times* sorry i was not being arrogant or critical, but i detest people looking down at others for no reasons. argh lousy. I wont even wanna go back there anytime soon!
*
gotta sleep soon.
Tmr's DED presentation, hope it goes well *cross fingers*
Uncle Felix's place in Sydney (:
You know that path we walked today is super nostalgic to me. I almost could felt my heart stopped beating. It just reminded me of the days where we would walk from your place to town and back home again.
*
After proj meeting today, I went down to visit grandma again. It was so awkward. My whole family was there. (literally 4 + 1 sis-in-law) My dad walked out, and left 4 of us there to accompany ah ma. she was so weak, and constantly feeling sleepy. she couldn't eat now, cos her bleeding will start again once she consumes food. she wanted to eat badly, and whined like a child insisting on having barley with ice cubes, cos she was having fever and felt so warm inside her body and she thought having iced drinks would make her feel better. I was standing at the other side of her bed massaging her arms constantly cos she said her arms were so pain and sore. I had nothing to say to her, yet I hope I could help as much as possible. btw I was very pissed with a comment that mom made. (not to mention here)
I saw another side of my aunties and uncles at ah ma's hospitalisation. It was really heart warming. Everytime I was at the ward, I didnt wanna leave. I just wanna have the feeling forever. sadly I had to go off everytime becos of my assignment stuffs. looking at how all my aunties worries for ah ma always wanna make me cry. I just hope everyone would stay positive and strong! Even if ah ma was to discharge, she would probably just be home and wait for that day to come. there's like no chance for full recovery anymore. :(((
*
Days are getting worse and worse these days. I remembered Master Khor said that a guy will hate me for the rest of his life. and indeed I had met one. for now I can't really confirm about it, but I guess so? blame myself for being such a slut/bitch. And you who is such a sore loser as well. I'm glad that you smsed me to get out of your life and told me this was such a crap. Seriously the last thing you should do is lose your temper on a girl. thou I know this is the 3rd time, but still you should not have said that. but I have to admit that its my fault anyway. And pls stop smsing me and ask me all kinds of qn when u had deleted me away from your fb and all. this is so contradicting. I will just suck thumb and accept all kinds of comments like I'm leeching you and leading you on blah blah blah.....
Because I know who is in my heart, and no one could replace my boy.
*
YJR gave me a surprise at MBS that night. thanks babes! ya'll so awesome (:
btw, MBS is totally overrated. My level 31 room facing the marina bay was really fantastic, but the pool, park, staffs, crowded lobby and casino was not really what I had expected.
i was in my flip flop, longchamp and beach dress tgt with vivi. (we both very chalet-ish)the staff just directed us to the normal hotel room queue where it was super slow and tons of pple queuing (imagine First World hotel lobby in Genting) so we walked over to the other side, and I heard there was this lady in polo RL tshirt and a gucci tote checking us up and down. So what is it now? we can't afford? come on please. and when it was our turn the front desk told us we could go to the EXCLUSIVE queue for the casino members.(my aunt is a member) damn tsk. Next time go MBS remember wear a beautiful gown ok?!??! don't dress too sloppy hor! *roll eyes a million times* sorry i was not being arrogant or critical, but i detest people looking down at others for no reasons. argh lousy. I wont even wanna go back there anytime soon!
*
gotta sleep soon.
Tmr's DED presentation, hope it goes well *cross fingers*
Uncle Felix's place in Sydney (:
Friday, October 15, 2010
FINALLY OUT OF MY LIFE!
I closed my heart, despite the date being so awesome.
Finally I made what I wanna say very clear.
It was the same ol' boy that I missed.
Finally I made what I wanna say very clear.
It was the same ol' boy that I missed.
phews. Now I can concentrate on myself, since I have nothin' left hangin' :)
One major presentation on monday, project meeting on sunday at SMU?!?! omg. not fun at all. Yay yay, MBS later! :D
I'm stil clearing my assignments for now. bahhhh :/
When you know the feelings is not there, don't ever force it. - Lesson learnt.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
SO MUCH REGRETS!
FML SERIOUSLY. I AM SO EFFING PISSED OFF! ARGH.
WTF IS THIS MAN!!!! ASSUME ASSUME ASSUME!!!!! ARGHHHHHH!!!!
WTF IS THIS MAN!!!! ASSUME ASSUME ASSUME!!!!! ARGHHHHHH!!!!
Monday, October 11, 2010
I was really optimistic, but now?
Just 2 days ago I received an SMS from aunty nancy that ah ma is able to eat and drink now. But today, ah ma is bleeding again. Sighs. My optimism seemed like being thrashed down again. :((
Just completed my lesson plan and ded proj and studied my test for tmr. Really hope the content is inside my head! My weekend was well spent at home slacking and having family dinners! A 400$ Alaskan crab meal on sat and bro's bday treat on sun. Fat again! Going for hommie's bday celebration later at nite. October is a fat month! My kor's rabbit gave birth to 2 minis! :D
I'm so looking fwd to every sat for my family dinner! Love the jokes shared around the table. Hehe. My aunt just sponsored me a room at MBS this weekend! Tell me awesome anot??? Woooohooooo!
I'm anticipating all my frens birthdays happening this 2 months! Gonna be a great catch up! :D
as for mine, not really looking fwd... Hmmm
Just completed my lesson plan and ded proj and studied my test for tmr. Really hope the content is inside my head! My weekend was well spent at home slacking and having family dinners! A 400$ Alaskan crab meal on sat and bro's bday treat on sun. Fat again! Going for hommie's bday celebration later at nite. October is a fat month! My kor's rabbit gave birth to 2 minis! :D
I'm so looking fwd to every sat for my family dinner! Love the jokes shared around the table. Hehe. My aunt just sponsored me a room at MBS this weekend! Tell me awesome anot??? Woooohooooo!
I'm anticipating all my frens birthdays happening this 2 months! Gonna be a great catch up! :D
as for mine, not really looking fwd... Hmmm
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Tedious
I'll end it soon. Give me a little more time! I need a stressball madly!
It's so distinctive that you know the kind of feeling you have is completely different.
It's so distinctive that you know the kind of feeling you have is completely different.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
为什么我的鼻子酸酸的？眼睛红红的？
我鼓起勇气去问关于你的事。你在我身边就好。
没有其他人，我的世界还是一样。
但是没有你，我再也散发不出光芒。
my heart was so heavy today. so heavy till I can't even breathe or think properly. What's wrong with me recently?!?!
没有其他人，我的世界还是一样。
但是没有你，我再也散发不出光芒。
my heart was so heavy today. so heavy till I can't even breathe or think properly. What's wrong with me recently?!?!
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Its been a real bad few days!
Eversince ah ma went to the hospital, my days are super emo like anyhow! everything just doesn't go your way. People blocking you when you are rushing for time. Buses don't come. long waiting q at the hospital, encountering weirdos and blah blah blah.... arghhh damn pissed. Not till today when I received an sms saying my grandma is in quite stable condition and she can eat now (: and uncle decided to let ah ma undergo the bone marrow thingy to test for leukemia. i know its really painful, ah ma u must endure ok!
School work is like %&%&^&. I am really happy to have all the supportive people around, helping me with assignments, zapping readings for my essay, blah blah blah... thanks lah everyone! hahahaha :D u guys super awesome!Completed my DED essay at 6am on mon morning! ONE DOWN 10 TO GO for this week! endless elearnings and LP, still got test can! this is crap :/ I think I should be able to go through this week? hmmm...
wooohooo~ i was offered either a return aussie ticket this dec or a lavish bday celebration! wow! hahaha. if i am going, this is gonna be my 3rd time this yr. I wanna go phuture phuture phuture ~~~~
School work is like %&%&^&. I am really happy to have all the supportive people around, helping me with assignments, zapping readings for my essay, blah blah blah... thanks lah everyone! hahahaha :D u guys super awesome!Completed my DED essay at 6am on mon morning! ONE DOWN 10 TO GO for this week! endless elearnings and LP, still got test can! this is crap :/ I think I should be able to go through this week? hmmm...
wooohooo~ i was offered either a return aussie ticket this dec or a lavish bday celebration! wow! hahaha. if i am going, this is gonna be my 3rd time this yr. I wanna go phuture phuture phuture ~~~~
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Ah ma, stay strong!
Ah ma is in critical condition and doctor had been transfusing blood into her hoping it could help fight the overwhelming white blood cells. Alot of us were there just now, and instead of the normal 4 visitors, they allowed 8 of us today. we took turns to go up. Alot of them could not control their tears. I can't believe that a highly skilled monk told my uncle that my grandma had only 1 more week left and my dad agreed too! plus doctor told us to try to satisfy what my grandma wanted. How can you predict how long my grandma is gonna live!??! plus u make my whole family to worried!! I am really agitated about it! I know my grandma is going to be ok! I want my family members not to feel depressed as well!
I know I am not emotionally attached to her. I see her a few times a year only. But I remembered when I was younger, papa would always bring me to her place and played masak masak with all my cousins. Ah gong who sat on the wheelchair would watch us play. I liked the old house. everyone was so happy that time. everything was simple. everyone had fun. it was squeezy and noisy during CNY chu2 every year, and all the kids would be in the room playing and the adults would be in the living room or kitchen.
After ah gong passed away, we all moved to a new estate. the house was more spacious, our family members grew, every year there will be a new baby or a new spouse. it was still so cosy and lovely. ah ma and all my aunties will be busy in the kitchen cooking and preparing food for us. Eventually uncle then called buffet instead of tiring my grandma. He never failed to bring the whole family together for any celebrations or praying sessions.
I enjoyed my paternal side very much, but yet my mum would always stop me from mixing with them. I know I seldom talk about my family. But bcos my dad & mum hadn't been in good terms for 10 years so we respected mum and kept a distance from our paternal side. I wanted to cry when I saw my grandma. but I knw I have to be strong and control. I don't want people to think I'm exaggerating or my family was down to put up a show. I wanna be close knitted with my family, I wanted time to turn, be back when we were 7 years old or younger before ah gong passed away.
Today when I saw aunty nancy's text telling me ah ma is in critical condition, i still had a cheek to reply saying i will go down on monday after school. i hate myself for not completing my 50% essay earlier! i wanted to spend more time there. really. I'm really close to aunty nancy, and looking at how puffy her eyes were just now really made me wanna go over and give her a comfort hug. she was the closest child to ah ma and she is always so nice towards everyone and she urged me to go home to do my work just now. (i don't know if you are reading this. if yes, pls drop a txt msg to ask her to take care)
I don't care if this entry is too wordy or wad. I just feel this yr is really a bad year! Why do I have to go through all these? I can't believe that my dad & mum & bro can quarrel over visiting my ah ma. I just fuck off and said "its my ah ma, I can visit her when I want to. I don't need anyone to tell me when I should do it. "
I AM SOOOOOOOOOO VEXED! AND I HAVE TO FINISH MY 50% ESSAY! ARGHHH!!!! I'll be visiting her after school again tmr. I hope by then the blood report will be out and everything will be ok!
I know I am not emotionally attached to her. I see her a few times a year only. But I remembered when I was younger, papa would always bring me to her place and played masak masak with all my cousins. Ah gong who sat on the wheelchair would watch us play. I liked the old house. everyone was so happy that time. everything was simple. everyone had fun. it was squeezy and noisy during CNY chu2 every year, and all the kids would be in the room playing and the adults would be in the living room or kitchen.
After ah gong passed away, we all moved to a new estate. the house was more spacious, our family members grew, every year there will be a new baby or a new spouse. it was still so cosy and lovely. ah ma and all my aunties will be busy in the kitchen cooking and preparing food for us. Eventually uncle then called buffet instead of tiring my grandma. He never failed to bring the whole family together for any celebrations or praying sessions.
I enjoyed my paternal side very much, but yet my mum would always stop me from mixing with them. I know I seldom talk about my family. But bcos my dad & mum hadn't been in good terms for 10 years so we respected mum and kept a distance from our paternal side. I wanted to cry when I saw my grandma. but I knw I have to be strong and control. I don't want people to think I'm exaggerating or my family was down to put up a show. I wanna be close knitted with my family, I wanted time to turn, be back when we were 7 years old or younger before ah gong passed away.
Today when I saw aunty nancy's text telling me ah ma is in critical condition, i still had a cheek to reply saying i will go down on monday after school. i hate myself for not completing my 50% essay earlier! i wanted to spend more time there. really. I'm really close to aunty nancy, and looking at how puffy her eyes were just now really made me wanna go over and give her a comfort hug. she was the closest child to ah ma and she is always so nice towards everyone and she urged me to go home to do my work just now. (i don't know if you are reading this. if yes, pls drop a txt msg to ask her to take care)
I don't care if this entry is too wordy or wad. I just feel this yr is really a bad year! Why do I have to go through all these? I can't believe that my dad & mum & bro can quarrel over visiting my ah ma. I just fuck off and said "its my ah ma, I can visit her when I want to. I don't need anyone to tell me when I should do it. "
I AM SOOOOOOOOOO VEXED! AND I HAVE TO FINISH MY 50% ESSAY! ARGHHH!!!! I'll be visiting her after school again tmr. I hope by then the blood report will be out and everything will be ok!
I wished it was all you.
I'm suepr tied down with my assignments. I read alot of readings and my thoughts are so scattered that I don't know how to piece them together :( i'll jiayou and finish doing it asap. 2 essays, 1 test,1 lp and fieldwork coming up. this 2 weeks i could barely breathe.
Paternal grandma is in the hospital now. When I visited her, I suddenly wanna cry. Life is so fragile. I hope her blood report is leukemia negative. I hate hospitals, really! my phobia is still there. pls let my grandma be ok, and all my family members to be happy again. We were supposed to celebrate her bday this weekend, but she was too weak till my uncle sent her to the hospital. I missed our family gatherings. :(((
I have no time for anyone recently. I felt really awful. I wonder where did all my time go to?!?! :( I can't wait for school to be less busier. October is a busy month!
Anyway can all these lan tao hua just shoo away from me!??! stop fb msging me, I seriously don't wanna reply! do i have to spell it out that i dont want to add u on msn or anywhere?!?! stop saying you knw my this friend and that friend. it doesnt matter to me. yayaya please all just buzz off, i don't have spare time.
Europe trip is confirmed. I hope I can make Tasmania successful in jan! Let me get out of SG soon! I can't wait!! I'll definitely go on my aussie trip in dec if I have spare cash. but I'm really tied :( SG makes me so hard to breathe. I hate everything here.
gotta rush my essay. i'm totally caffine intoxicated. I really wanan get rid of you in my mind, but its so HARD!!!!! how? I hope everything is good for you.
Marriot mooncakes, ecp, jewelbox, tco, old school, ikea. Awesome.
Paternal grandma is in the hospital now. When I visited her, I suddenly wanna cry. Life is so fragile. I hope her blood report is leukemia negative. I hate hospitals, really! my phobia is still there. pls let my grandma be ok, and all my family members to be happy again. We were supposed to celebrate her bday this weekend, but she was too weak till my uncle sent her to the hospital. I missed our family gatherings. :(((
I have no time for anyone recently. I felt really awful. I wonder where did all my time go to?!?! :( I can't wait for school to be less busier. October is a busy month!
Anyway can all these lan tao hua just shoo away from me!??! stop fb msging me, I seriously don't wanna reply! do i have to spell it out that i dont want to add u on msn or anywhere?!?! stop saying you knw my this friend and that friend. it doesnt matter to me. yayaya please all just buzz off, i don't have spare time.
Europe trip is confirmed. I hope I can make Tasmania successful in jan! Let me get out of SG soon! I can't wait!! I'll definitely go on my aussie trip in dec if I have spare cash. but I'm really tied :( SG makes me so hard to breathe. I hate everything here.
gotta rush my essay. i'm totally caffine intoxicated. I really wanan get rid of you in my mind, but its so HARD!!!!! how? I hope everything is good for you.
Marriot mooncakes, ecp, jewelbox, tco, old school, ikea. Awesome.
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