Bye Ah Ma.

Ah Ma finally bade goodbye to all of us today. I did not cry. I was happy for her. She had finally ended all her sufferings and ready to find ah gong at another place to enjoy their times together.

She had been strong. She fought through her sickness. She was brave. She had lived to see 4 generations. And I know she will be watching us from up there (:

*

today was the first time I saw how papa was so fragile and old. His hair was so grey. He looked tired. I thought of my maternal grandma at home too. so many of my close kin were always beside me but I always took it for granted that they will be by my side. I felt really guilty. still i wanna say, cherish the people around you.

I guess the times we see our paternal side will be lesser after this wake. I don't know why, but it seemed like its only our family who is always so busy to turn up for any of their activities. I am really jealous of the kinship all my cousins and relative share. Since young, mum had always forbade us to be too close with our paternal side. its becoming a habit now.

I'm so lethargic today. school had been so busy that I hardly get to sleep. I could just collapse anytime. I'm so so so tired. For now, I just hope I'll have 48 hours a day.

& know what, finally * had shown * true colors. i'm utterly disgusted. But i seriously can't be bothered :/ go ahead and mess up with your life. I can't stop you from it.